life hereafter

random musings from a wannabe economist

PETA has made an awesome parody of the game Cooking Mama, Cooking Mama : Mama Kills Animals : The Unauthorized PETA edition. While I do not agree in whole with PETA’s principles and methods, I do find some of the things they do to be utterly hilarious.

The objective of the game is to cook a Thanksgiving dinner the bloody (PETA) way. First you defeather the turkey, then you stuff him and cook him in the oven. Finally, you use the innards to make a gruesome gravy. The game isn’t entirely true to life, last I checked eggs don’t bleed when you crack them open, but it’s still pretty fun and a good way to kill (pun intended) some time this thanksgiving.

As a follow up to an earlier post about KFC, I found this game which is a lot less bloody than the above.

I spent my first Fourth of July in Philly (I was in Rome last year) by heading to The Parkway and The Art Museum. There was a Fourth of July Parade, which is the first parade I have ever seen in person! I finally learned what a ‘Mummer‘ is and why I should be afraid of them. I also managed to eat tons of needlessly expensive food and watch fireworks.

Honestly, I would think that the birthplace of our nation would put on a better fireworks show. I mean, it was a good show. Lot’s of “Boom Boom’s”, lasted longer than five minutes, but I think the show in my hometown of Freehold, NJ was just as good. If not better (smaller crowds.)

P.S. It is apparently no longer funny to say “Celebrate America’s freedom by blowing up a small part of it.”

This was quite the weekend for injuries.

1) Friday after work one of The Firm’s partners had a few people over for some volleyball and swimming. Now, I am not very good at volleyball and my general strategy is to make sure that if the ball comes near me, I send it away as quickly as possible. How I accomplish that is through a series of flailing arms and hands. On one particular volley heading my way I tried to hit the ball open palmed. Unfortunately the angle the ball and my hand were at ensured that the ball would only hit my left ring finger. The result was a jammed swollen finger and some broken blood vessels. No big deal, just a bit painful.

2)  This morning I went for a ‘training ride’ with a few people who will be doing the MS 150 with me in September.  While riding on Main Street I managed to get myself into an accident. I was riding behind my roommate who was riding behind a black car. The black car decided to turn right, into a parking lot, without using any signals or providing any notice. This caused my roommate to brake quickly and veer right. In order to avoid hitting him I tried to brake quickly and go around the car on the left. Unfortunately the woman driving the car saw my roommate in her line of sight and decided to stop very short. This did not provide me with enough reaction time to move more quickly to the left and I crashed into the back of her car. My hand was caught between my bike and her trunk, my front wheel scraped along the rear bumper of her car. As she calls out “Are you okay?,” I screamed back, “just fine thank you!” Later I realized that I banged up my right hand pretty badly, but it was really only superficial.

3) Waiting at a stop light I didn’t unclip from my pedals fast enough and I fell on my right side. Right in the middle of the street. If you were in a car at the intersection of Kelly Drive and Calumet Ave you probably had yourself a good laugh.

With the amount of klutzy things I manage to do it is a wonder that I haven’t managed to break anything in twenty years.

than clean my bathroom or study for an exam:

1. Play Wii
2. Clean my bike
3. Go food shopping
4. Apartment hunt
5. Clean my bedroom
6. Go to work
7. Play ‘tech support’ for my family & friends
8. Assemble furniture from IKEA
9. Sit on the phone with Comcast
10. Sit on the phone with at&t wireless

Apparently procrastination does not subside with age…

Last Saturday, May 10th, I found myself pedaling down Kelley Drive searching for the Three Angels (which had mysteriously moved from where I last remembered them.) After avoiding numerous buses and clueless drivers, Perez and I found the angels and gathered around the officials for the Coaches & Coxswains meeting.

During the meeting we were reminded that this was an official event and we must obey the rules of the river while also having fun. We were also reminded that we were not allowed to interfere with the collegiate races, and as such would not be allowed on the water until the last Men’s event came down the course. This was tentatively scheduled for 11:21am. I found the owner of Team Concepts and received our bow number, 172.

Back on the bike we start pedaling up river towards the finish line and corporate event tents.  On the way we pass the University of Delaware Alumni Associate tent and wave hello. A few tents down we find our corporate tent and notice that the only ones there are the caterers. I pick up the phone and find out our captain (Mike) and the rest of the team are already getting ready by Strawberry Mansion bridge. However, the boat does not currently have a coxswain or “cox-box” (the device that lets every rower hear the voice of the tiny person facing everyone.)

Once again, we turn around on the bike and head back to the angels looking for the Team Concepts owner. Riding around the area for a few minutes we don’t see him and think it best to call another member of our team who had his number. As we are dialing, he walks by and we ask him what we should do about getting a coxswain and cox-box. His reply is that he already spoke to our captain and we are all set. Gee, would have been nice for Mike to call us back and let us know he already had what we needed.

Back on the bikes we pedal up river past the Alumni and Corporate tent and run into our old college coaches. They were a bit busy getting ready for the next event (which they would win.) Up by Strawberry Mansion Bridge we find our novice boat and meet our illustrious high-school coxswain. We find out that the shirts we are receiving for the race are both sleeveless and size XL. Fantastic. I felt more bad for our cox, as she was about half my size and had the same size shirt in which I was swimming.

We figured that now that we had found everyone we could watch a few of the college races go by and get onto the water within the next 15 minutes. As we start watching the races we realize that they are very far behind and there was no way we would be able to make it onto the river by 11:21. Forty minutes later, at 12:00 we find ourselves getting “hands-on” the boat and heading down the dock. We were informed that our warm up would consist of just paddling down the river until we were at the 1000 meter mark. Not a very long warm up when you consider that most people are hands-on and in the water at least 45 minutes before their scheduled start time.

As we paddle down to the start line we take a few practice “starts.” Everyone is a little nervous and jump, but overall it was not a bad warm up. I was feeling very confident in our race and ability, however I was becoming more and more nervous. It felt like I was back in college getting ready for a race. I knew I should have been out there to just have fun, but I was really starting to feel like I needed to win the race.

At the 1000m mark, they stopped all the boats and lined everyone up, we started to paddle slowly with only stern pair and no pressure down the river attempting to keep even as we approached the official 500m startling line in lane three. We found that even though we were not putting on any pressure we were ahead of all the other boats. This gave me even more confidence that we could really do well in the race.

At 500m, they stopped everyone, staggered the start due to the shape of the river and lined everyone up “even.” I could tell from the beginning that our high-school cox was pretty nervous, and that we were most certainly not pointed at the finish line. As the official says “ready….row!” we do our start “1/2, 1/2, 3/4, lengthen, full, crash!.” Our port side oars were clashing with the oars of the boat in lane two. At first I couldn’t tell what was happening, but then I saw that we were way over the lane markers and completely out of our territory. We were also in a really bad spot, no one on port side could row due to hitting the other boat, however if anyone on starboard attempted to row, it would push us more to port. So, everyone just stopped rowing. At this point all the other boats are pulling away and we are in dead last.

We very quickly get reset, and we start rowing again. This time I’m really mad, but I most certainly do not want to come in dead last. The next thing I know, is that we are gaining on the fifth place boat and making moves on the fourth and third place boat. With about twenty strokes to go, we are even with the boat in lane one and we are in fourth place. With ten strokes to go, we are one or two seats up on the boat in lane one and we are in third place. We cross the finish line about 3/4 of a length up on the fourth place boat and take third.

I was amazed. We were in last place (out of six) and we managed to come back with a third place finish. There is no doubt in my mind that had we stared properly and had no mishaps along the way, we would have been in first place. We quickly spun our boat and headed for the awards dock where we received bronze medals and the applause of the spectators, drunk college kids and our co-workers.

Not too shaby for a “half-time show.” I will definitely be back next year.

Apparently I was spotted last weekend:

Yesterday, Perez and I inadvertently jumped head first into a 5 hour “fitness marathon.”

The day began with us going to the boathouse for the Dad Vail Corporate Challenge practice. We road our bikes from Manayunk to boathouse row and meet up at #5. On the way there the sky decides to open up and downpour. No warning. Just total drenching rain. Two minutes later it was over. It was like one of those weird summer storms, except it’s spring, and sometimes it’s still pretending to be winter outside. Once we arrived, we got changed and headed out. The moment we put the boat on the water it starts to drizzle again. Next thing we know, there are huge bolts of lightening and the sky opens up again. Then we notice all the crews coming back in with coaches saying how much worse it is up river.  Our coach decides to leave the boat on the water and have us stand in the boat bay for ten minutes to determine if it will “clear up.”

The entire time I am dreading her saying we are going to have another indoor practice. Those things are hell. A few minutes later it seems to be clearing up and we head out on the water.  Perez was in stroke and I was in 7. Stern pair is perhaps my least favorite position in the boat. I hate being in front of everyone and responsible for setting the form for the entire starboard side. The practice went alright. I was only jabbed in the back once with an oar by someone who fell completely out of time. Better than the first weeks in a novice boat at Delaware. I think we stand a very good chance of beating the other crews.

After we bring the boat in and place it in the bay, Perez and I hurry to get changed and get out of there. We signed up to do the 8th Annual R.E. Load Alley Cat race.  The event kicked off at 2pm and it was currently a little after 1. We still had to get down to 2nd and Spring Garden to register and pick up our rider numbers. We get to the back of the R.E. Load store at about 1:35 and find out that the start of the race is back at the Art Museum (where we just were!). Back on the bikes we booked it up to the Art Museum to meet the mass of about 200 people. This was a very diverse set of individuals. You had everything from the messengers with giant bags, tattoos and varied piercings to the crazy guy with a beard on a recumbent.  As is typical in Philly you had everyone in cars who were driving around the Art Museum circle beeping and hollering odd things.

At about 2pm, someone who was in charge grabs a megaphone, tells everyone to leave their bikes on the grass and head over to the statue/fountain thing. It was going to be a running start. As she is making the announcements and reading the rules she politely reminds us of what happened in Chicago a few months ago. This resulted in a rule change. It would no longer be a race, but a “fun ride.” With points assigned not for coming in first, but for doing the best at each of the various challenges they had set up at each checkpoint. We were also reminded that this was a highly illegal event. So be careful. After saying that she said perhaps she shouldn’t say that so loud. Moments later we were given the list of checkpoints with the caution that this was an April Fool’s race and a good number of them would be fake. We also realized that most everyone else had brown paper bags and were drinking from them. That should be safe.

We hopped on the bike and headed for the closest checkpoint at Lemon Hill first. About halfway there Perez finds himself leading the pack and climbing up the hill. At this point he remembers that he is on his fixed-gear bike and can not shift. Next thing I know he is hopping off from the front and pulling a u-turn. I asked what was up and learned that he wasn’t going to make it up the hill. Oh well. So much for that checkpoint. I bet it was fake anyway. Next we headed over to 25th and Spruce, which I thought said 25th and Spring Garden. Whoops. After correcting that mistake we were told to write a haiku about our bikes. Mine was something along the lines of:

green frame, red bar tape  | (i forget what was here) | don’t fail me now

It was lame, but it let me complete the checkpoint. From what I remember, Perez’s was funnier. At this point we started riding around the rittenhouse area and grabbed some food at Devil’s Alley. (Hey, it wasn’t a race anymore so who cares). After that we were riding down 21st near Cherry Street and the freaking road must have just recently experienced an earthquake. The road is completely broken and there is about a 10ft long, 1 inch deep pothole which I could not avoid quick enough. I go over and quickly realize that I have popped my rear tire. Not having a wrench on me, this was the end of the day. Frustrated I called a friend, left my bike in her garage and headed back to Manayunk.

All in all it was a very good day, and I managed to get some sun out of the whole deal. I realized that I was doing some form of exercise for the past five hours and I felt I deserved a whole lot of delicious food for that.