letters to strangers

Dear American Express,

Thank you ever so much for sending me a $15 off coupon to a restaurant which is located 421 miles from me. This is greatly appreciated, and I will file it under the appropriate category, which is T for Trash.

Perhaps you should save some of that marketing budget, I hear times are tough…

Sincerely,

Confused & Annoyed

Dear Woman who is too afraid to ride her bike in the street but does so anyway,

Please. For the love of all that is holy, do not ride your bike in the street if you are afraid of cars. As you nervously look back, you turn your handle bars into on-coming traffic which causes you to freak out further and overcompensate to the other side. When I don’t know what you are going to do, I get scared and steer my 2 ton car away from you and into the mac truck coming down the other lane.

Love,

Narrowly averted a major lawsuit.

Dear Applebees,

No I do not want your dirty Marisou wine and LaBatt Blue beer, so stop asking me that the second I sit down. I don’t know what kind of new marketing ploy this is, but do people seriously response like, “Oh why yes, I wasn’t thinking of getting either of those things, but since you asked… I’ll take both!”

All the best,

See American Express above

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